Hello, My Name is Karen, and I am a Perfectionist

This week I was reminded of how difficult it is sometimes to be a perfectionist, artist, musician, and leader of volunteers, who are not necessarily those things.

The artist in me really hates leaving a rehearsal with issues unresolved, but the leader in me knows that sometimes it's really better that way. Sometimes finding that balance is difficult for me.

This week I talked to my choir about the real reason we are singing a particular song on Sunday. And the truth is, I sometimes need that reminder myself. I have this mentality (healthy or not) that if I can't do it well, then I shouldn't do it at all. Now, this is a total and complete lie I have made myself believe. Whether it is cleaning ("I don't have time to do the whole bathroom now, so I won't clean it at all.") or music ("I have to practice that for the next week to be ready!") I either go all in, or not at all. I hate half committing to something. I have, on occasion, not prepared for something and I can't tell you the amount of stress that causes me.

So, I say all of that to remind you, and remind myself, that being a perfectionist is a barrier to true worship. Jesus told us in John 4:24 to worship in "spirit and truth." And the truth is I'm not perfect, the music that I make isn't perfect, and there is not a ton I can do about it.

I have to remember that the reason I worship is to glorify my God, not myself. I have to be okay with failure. And, perhaps most importantly, I have to be the kind of leader/choir director that allows that in others. Having a group up front singing the wrong notes does not matter. We can strive for them, but we won't always hit them. The important thing is the spirit that we declare this music in, and the truth that is in their words. That is the most important thing.

I pray that your worship this weekend is filled with joy, love, spirit, and truth! I pray that you fail, just a little, to remind you how much you need our God. I hope that you grow closer to Him through the music that you sing and the truths it contains.